Benihana: 1/10

If there is a more overpriced, underwhelming restaurant experience in London, I'd like to know. The staff at Benihana in Swiss Cottage are friendly enough. And the chef who attends your table - comprising an enormous steel super-hot plate and stools around a wooden bench - is entertaining, flipping bits of egg-fried rice into patrons' mouths; and juggling with his razor-sharp knives; and throwing salt-shakers into his hat.

But for £91 I'd rather plump for Claridges, thank you very much. And what did our money buy us?:

-Two miso soups + three small sushi rolls
-A main of salmon/black cod (two very small, oil and lemon-soaked slithers that barely registered).
-Heart-shaped mousse for dessert.
-Two virgin mojitos.

I'd always had my suspicions about this restaurant, which has been in its present location almost as long as Ye Olde Swiss Cottage on the other side of the road. As you walk in, you're greeted with the stench of stale oil. The red carpets ooze grime and faded glory. And when you're shown to your table, you quickly realise that an intimiate dinner this will not be.

So I won't be going back to Benihana. Not for the "entertainment"; not for the food; and certainly not for another Valentine's dinner.